New Surgery Date...

January 17th... which happens to be my 34th birthday.

I told Paul on the way home from Ann Arbor last night... "I bet his new surgery date will be my birthday". 

Today went like this...

• Got to work, went to talk to Human Resources about NOT canceling my family medical leave, why in her office my cell phone rang.  (I hadn't put it on silent yet).  I looked at is and said "It's Ann Arbor" she told me to answer it.  It was Kim, Dr. Bove's receptionist giving me a new surgery date of February 1st.  I not so politely told her that was not an acceptable date and she needed to call me back with a better date then that.  She tried to pull that "I understand" line.  I asked her "do you have a child with a heart defect? No?  Then no you don't understand".  I was PISSED.
• At 9am when Dr Goble's office opened (his cardiologist here in Lansing) and talked to her receptionist.  She got a hold of the Dr. T that Paul talked to last night and told him about the phone call I got. 
• Dr. T called Paul and said that the February 1st date is probably going to be the date and gave him various reasons as to why.  Again... not good enough for me.
• 3:45pm ish.  Kim (Dr. Bove's receptionist) called.  Surgery is January 17th.  I asked her what the chances is that this one will get canceled and she said they have no way of knowing but that Dr. Bove does set his own schedule and he usually only does surgery on Monday's and Wednesday's.  January 17th is a Tuesday.  David is 1st and only case that day.  Chances of it getting canceled are slim but I am not betting my money on it.
• I've called the Ronald McDonald house and asked them to keep us on the list but switch the date.  I called hotel and re-reserved out rooms.  Now I am home with a stress headache trying to calm my butt down.

CANCELED AGAIN

We are NOT happy. They canceled on us AGAIN. At least they had the decency to do it the night before so we could come home and I can go to work tomorrow. Something about two emergency's. I understand emergencies happen but when is a heart not an emergency? What happen to this new state of the art hospital. The caseworker Paul talked to let on to there may not be enough staff?

SERIOUSLY???

When does my son have to become an emergency to get surgery?

Paul talked to a cardiologist from our Lansing office. Dr. Goble has a cardiologist from Ann Arbor that works in her office once a week. Dr. T. He happens to be the doctor that did David's last echo in Lansing, AND Ann Arbor, he was the one that oversaw the heart Cath. He happened to be the one on call for the Lansing office tonight. Paul talked to him.

Luck would have it Dr. T is going to be in Ann Arbor meeting with the surgeons tomorrow. He is going to get to the bottom of this. Why has our son been canceled on twice? He told us that David will NOT wait six more weeks for surgery. We could have surgery Thursday, Friday, next week. We don't know right now. We should have an answer tomorrow.

But this really does change our opinion of Mott, and not in a good way. They have a lot of butt kissing to make up for this crap.

I will be at work tomorrow so I cannot guarantee a update until after I get out of work but I will keep everyone posted.

A little negativity then I move on

Ugh, My anxiety is bothering me today. The doctor up my meds from 10mg to 20mg. I took the first 20 this morning. My anxiety is focused on being sick. If someone is sick around me, I feel sick, or I hear someone is. I’m not talking a cold sick I’m talking the barfing sick. I cannot handle it. I am surprised I am not a germ-a-phobia. A co-worker was out yesterday sick because she had been up the night before barfing. She’s here today and I am scared shitless to walk by her. I sat at my desk all day trying not to go into a full fledge panic attack over it. This crap sucks.


Matthew was barfy a week ago, only barfed once but I had full out panic attacks. I cannot handle puke. I am constantly afraid they are going to wake in the night and barf all over. Why? It’s stupid, it happens. What do I do if it does? Deal with it and move on. I’ve done it before so why the hell am I panicky about it now?

Doctor told me not many people are ever on the lowest does of the Lexapro that I am on and he’s actually surprised I stayed on the low does this long. So… hopefully this dosage up will help.

Why do I think it bothers me???

1. I do think I need to up my mgs.

2. I don’t do barf… period.

3. Christmas is this weekend and I don’t want anyone sick.

4. I don’t want anyone sick… period.

5. David’s surgery is a week from today and he cannot be sick, thus we cannot be sick so he doesn’t get it and if I am sick and can’t be there for my baby’s surgery I think I’ll die.

6. David can’t get sick after… he needs to recover.

7. I don’t have ANY time left at work so if I get sick, then I don’t get paid for that day and I don’t get my time back until March.

This sucks… December sucks. I’ve never felt good and always been panicky in December. A week and a half from now the difficult stuff will be over and I’ll probably, hopefully calm my ass down.

Oh and currently, both Paul and I have the scratchy throat and are popping pills like crazy trying NOT to get a cold. That’s a no no for surgery too. Plus David is starting to show true signs of needing surgery. His appetite is down and he’s getting tired much easier and quicker.

ARGH

8 more sleeps until Chrismtas

Christmas is almost here.  The boys count the day's by sleeps.  Last night it was one more sleep until we see Santa.  We are going to see him tonight.  11 more sleeps until David's surgery.  I now wish I hadn't counted that.  Gave me a little panic attack.  I can NOT wait until this year is over.

Boys had little parties at school and made some stuff.

Christmas is Coming...

Paul had his concert with the Lansing Concert Band last night.  The Lakewood Choral Society sang too.  Paul's Aunt Bev sings in that.  But my mind was just racing as I sat there listen listening to the beautiful music both groups produced.  I just CANNOT shut my mind off.

This morning didn't help much as I was checking my facebook posts.  The UofM hospital and Mott Children's hospital pages both had pictures of the first ICU patient being moved from the old hospital to the new shortly after 7 this morning.  I cried real tears as I looked at the pictures.

Why???

Many reasons why.

1.  I am kinda excited about David's surgery because I am excited to see and be in the new hospital.  Surgery means they will fix my baby.

2.  What if something goes wrong and David doesn't make it?  What if this is our last Christmas with him?  What am I going to do without him?

This cannot be happening to me.  I cannot think these bad thoughts.  As I type this he's sitting on the floor in front of me with a HUGE pile of dinosaurs.  That kid LOVES dinosaurs.  He's so healthy, how could anything bad happen?

The good thing with a mind that doesn't shut off is there is always something else to think about and get my mind off the current bad thought. We will move on and enjoy Christmas.  Take David to his surgery... three days after Christmas, and pray for the best.