The Holiday Season is upon us...

And I believe we are ready. Christmas this year is going to be so much more fun with the boys. They are old enough now to see stuff. We put the tree up Sunday while they were napping. When they go up the lights were on and only one thing was hanging on the tree... their moon! They were so excited to see the lights. Since then Daddy said when he gets them up in the morning they get quite upset that they have to have their diaper changed before they can see the tree. When they are playing they will stop every so often and yell "Mommy - Daddy", then when we say "what" they point to the tree and say "TREE".

Tonight we went and met Daddy for his lunch. We were a tad early so we drove around and looked at some Christmas lights. They LOVED them. Matthew saw a house that had a lot of lights and he said "WOW". So that is going to be TONS of fun this year. I can't wait until this weekend when we can drive around with Daddy and look at lights.

Our Christmas shopping is almost done also. The boys, our niece and both nephews are done. Paul's Grandma B, and his Mom are all done as well as my sister and parents. Now all we have to shop for his the difficult people. Sigh.. I have no clue what to get them.

Here's to wishing all of you a Merry Christmas!

Ewww... SNOW

We had our first real snow today. Snow that sticks on the ground. Maybe an inch at the most. Mommy does not like snow. Yes it's pretty when it sticks to the trees and stuff but that just means that it is cold out and I don't do the cold very well. The boys have ventured into the life of winter coats. I don't think they are to happy about it. They look like they are encased in cement when they are in their car seats. They know that when we are outside the hat stays on but you can take it off in the car. I have snowpants for the two of them but we still need to get boots.

David had his six month check up for his heart Monday. She said he sounded great! Not a worry and see us again in another six months!!! They will do an echo when we go then. Our life with a heart defect baby has finally turned into a life with normal two year old twin boys. However normal that is. David eats way more then Matthew. I still can't find out where he's putting it. The kid is soooo skinny.

Matthew has one of his two year molars thru, his bottom right. The bottom left feels quite swollen like it's ready. He's drooling like a little faucet that someone left on. Isn't he to old for that crap? We tell him to wipe his drool and he wipes off his chin.

The boys are TALKING & TALKING & TALKING & TALKING & TALKING & TALKING & TALKING, you get my point right? They are nuts I tell ya. They will holler for Mommy or Daddy and if you say 'yes dear' they just say Mommy again. They will only continue with what they want to say if you say 'what'. You can not usually figure out what they are saying because it's still the twin talk babble but real works are coming in great numbers. The moon, bus, and the american flag are their FAVORITE things. Matthew says Thank You all the time without us prompting him to. He also says sorry if he thinks he did something wrong.

They are crazy busy all the time and love to stand in our living room window and run cars back and forth across the ledge. Something my nephew Andrew would do and still does when he's here.

Love and Hugs to all
Sarah 'n Boys

The Day I Became a Heart Mother

The Day I Became a Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down, I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick.
I thought, "am I to blame"?
I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved him for so long.

I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my child any chance.
No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!

Will he need a lot of therapy?
Will he gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
I will accept our fate.

When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings, I run to my child's bed.
I watch him sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss his head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.

And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!

From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.
From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.
With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.

For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.

Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for him (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day.......
When I became a "Heart Mother".

- Author Unknown

Happy Days

The boys are growing like WEEDS. It's amazing to watch them grow. Their little voices are just blasting thru the house. Real words are joining us. Matthew has lots and lots of favorites, he is facinated by the moon, and bus's. They both get super excited when we go by the ball park downtown and start yelling "LUGNUTS" which comes out as 'nugnuts'. It's so cute. David puts his finger to his chin and goes 'hmmm, I don't know'. Can we say melt Mommy's heart. They call each other babies. Matthew will say "babies" David is answer with "what". And now David calls Matthew Babies too. I guess they don't like the names we gave them? Sorry little men you are stuck with them... at least until you turn 18 and can go change it yourself.

David eats like a PIG. Where he is putting it I don't know because he's skinny as ever. The boys are only in the 10-20th percentile for weight but in the 90th for height. The doctors said they are long an lean. Yes Mam, so were we when we were little. Not so much now but when I was young I was long and lean. No potty training yet. Not quite ready yet. Matthew is starting to show some signs but not enough. I did set them on it once just to see what they would do and at least they are not scared of it so that's great. We don't have a little potty chair because we don't have room for one. So we have a little seat that sits on the big potty and that is what they are going to learn on. We are going to start working on it full force after Christmas.

As for Developement of my two little goofballs. David is finally catching up. The braces (we call them steps) are working WONDERFULLY. We are tring to get childrens special health insurance to help pay for them but we just got denied so I'm trying to get more info sent to them so they will approve it. Our copay for the braces is $700 and we cannot afford that. He'll need new ones at least every year as he grows. But he's finally catching up.

So all in all life is great around here. Not looking forward to winter at all but then comes spring. I'm hoping David does not get penumonia this winter. He had it three times last year. All in the spring. One time put us in the hospital for three days. NOT FUN. My dad gave me a stehascope so I can listen to his heart and lungs closer on my own. I will be taking that to his next cardio appointment so she can tell me what to listen to and kinda explain what his murmer sounds like. I can tell a difference when I listen to his heart and Matthew's.

Well happy fall all!

My Views on Christianity

I grew up in a church setting. My parents raised me that way. I loved it until I got older and it wasn’t because I wanted to ‘sin’. It was because of what happend in the curch I grew up in. There was a older man that was a part of our church. His name was Dick (and no I did not change his name to protect anyone, the man is dead now). He took over the youth group that I was a part of even though he had no kids that I know of. Even in my teen years I knew something wasn’t right with this man. I didn’t care for him much and I didn’t trust him.
As it turns out my feelings about him was correct. He was a genuine con-artist. Because of this man the church people all turned against each other and there was a huge split. The man could not add 2+2 and equal four. He tried to say the pastor was stealing money. My Mom was the secretary and treasure and she had proof that her figures were correct and Dicks was wrong. The bastard even tried to say my Mom and the Pastor (Jim) were having an affair which was false. The whole problem started because the church was having financial problems and couldn’t make ends meet. My Mom would come home crying because of this mess. When Dick had done his deed he left the church taking half of the people with him. People I had grown to love and trust believed this man’s lies and followed him to another church. They call themselves Christians.

Another man named Gary came to the church and was good friends with Dick. Gary was one of those bible thumping, in your face, I am always right Christians. The kind I cannot stand. Gary got paid a surprise visit by another church member and they caught him having a pot party in his house. Later after the split Gary’s children turned him in for sexually abusing them. He even raped his own son. He is now in jail. And he called himself a Christian.

I said my Mom was secretary and treasure. My Dad was maintenance. My parents basically ran the church. The pastor himself wasn’t very bright. He was a nice man. I liked him he just was clueless of everyday things. His wife was really nice but didn’t deal with any of the behind scenes of the church. My Mom did it. Since we lived less then a quarter mile from the church my parent ran for every need. They were always the one to go unlock the doors, lock them back up. If something happened they responded. My Mom spent so much time up there, freezing in the winter because they couldn’t afford to run the heat full time in the winter. She ran everything. She would come home so stressed because she couldn’t pay all the bills for the church. After the pastor got paid there wasn’t much money left and he ALWAYS got paid first.

To top that off my Mom had to worry about her own bills. My Dad had lost is job because the plant closed down. My own family couldn’t make ends meet and she had the stress of that. My Mom would cry. She became very moody, withdrawn, depressed, angry, and would cry at the drop of a hat. It was to much for her to handle. I had to sit back and watch. My parents fought more and more. I hated that church.

Pastor Jim left. To find a better place. We had no clue he was looking for another church. We got some pastor in there, all I remember was his last name was Moon. He was kinda shady. Tried to ‘improve’ the church. Spending money the church didn’t have. He didn’t last long. Then we got a female pastor Jeanette Post. Who I LOVED. She was great. Had a background working with kids which was right up my alley. But, she moved on to better things. I still wonder often where she is today. My Mom had to suffer through all this too. Then Pastor Sprunger came in and worked with the church for a bit. He was friends of Pastor Jim so we all knew him. He did the best he could do for the church really.

There was nothing left to save. Honestly I don’t know how it all ended. I was old enough to not go so I didn’t because I hated it. I just know that it in fact ended and they church has been sold and belongs to someone else now.

Because of this my feeling of Christians and churches is different. I hate bible thumping, in your face Christians. You know the ones that try to force Christianity on you. Ok I guess hate is a strong word but I dislike them very much.

Here is an example...
These names are changed but this is a true story.

One family, the Smith’s I was very close to. Especially their younger daughter. She is 7 years younger then me but she was my favorite. Yes I still talk to her today, but she lives far away and I miss her. Anyways, the Smith’s had an older adult son. Old enough to drink and make his own decisions his name was Scott.

Another family the Michael’s had a couple adult daughters. One daughter’s name was Debbie. This family is the bible thumping type.

Well Scott came to town and went out on a date with Debbie. Scott being a wild one took Debbie out and Debbie drank and got drunk. Scott and Debbie had sex and Debbie got pregnant. Basically Scott wanted a piece of ass and Debbie gave it to him.

Well Scott didn’t want anything to do long term with Debbie or the baby so he signed off parental rights. The Smith’s wanted to see their Granddaughter. They didn’t want the baby to know that they were her real Grandparents they just wanted to be known and special friends. Well the Michael’s won’t allow it because of what their son did to their daughter. The Michael’s are hold what Scott did against them.

Well excuse me, Scott and Debbie were both adult when it happened. It is not the Smith’s fault, Debbie drank on her own, he didn’t force her to. Debbie is as much at fault as Scott is. The daughter of the two is now a teen and Debbie got married and her husband adopted the daughter.

Also, the Michael’s don’t like the way the Smith’s younger daughter turned out and they hold that against them too. Well she is an adult now and can make her own decisions. She likes to go out and party with her friends but she is an overall good girl. She had the same view’s about this mess as I do. These bible thumping Christians have turned us against church.

Like I said, I talk on the internet with the Smith’s a lot. Especially their daughter. Well just recently I found the Michael’s on facebook. The mom and Debbie. I sent the mom a message and the first thing she responded back was. "I hope you are taking those boys to church". I wanted to say "No, I am not and you people are the reason why".

Now don’t get me wrong I believe in God. I pray when I need to. I don’t have anything against Christians in general. I have a good friend who was my best friend in high school what was raised in a very Christian family and they were not the type to throw it at you. Her and her husband are church going, last I new I think her husband want’s to become a pastor. But they know how to do it tactfully. They haven’t throw it at me at all. I get e-mail’s, or see stuff on their myspace or facebook but it’s done the way I like. I don’t get to hang out with the friend as much as I would like.

I’d really like to get back into a church but I don’t want to go to one where I have to deal with these bible thumping Christians. I want to go to church with people who understand how the real world works. And I don’t want to feel like I have to go every Sunday. I have a life and I don’t think I need to go to church every Sunday to get into heaven.

You go to church, that’s nice. I’m glad you do but don’t tell me every time you see or talk to me that I need to go. Talk to me about normal stuff too.

- I swear
- I have a tattoo
- I like to have a drink with my dinner sometimes
- I do not smoke
- I don’t steal
- I’ve never cheated
- I had sex before I got married
- I pray
- I don’t go to church
- I believe in God
- I respect people
- I am my own person and I want to be treated like everyone else
- I am not a bad person
- I am normal
- I am me

Love me for me.

Happy Birthday

So the boys are two now. Where has time gone. I remember just a short time ago when they were born. Two years ago right now I was still in the hospital. I had Matthew with me. David down in Holden, (the NICU at UofM). I had seen him once last night but that was it so far. Today they unhook me from everything. And I get to take Matthew down with me to see David.

It was crazy.

Today is the boys birthday party. Everyone the boys know and love is going to be there, well the close family. It's going to be at Paul's parents. I did a big party last year with all our cousins and such but that's to much work. This year it's Paul's parents, sister and her family, my parents, my nephew and my best friend who the boys call Aunt Kellie.

Should be fun. We are doing it Backyardigans style.

Happy July!

Things have been crazy around here. Paul and I took time off of work to have a kinda vacation over the 4th of July. We were going to go north to the cabin but Paul's uncle and his family were going up there and that's way to many people in a small cabin. And the gas prices are just way to high.

Wednesday Paul and I went to Mt. Pleasant to gamble just a teeny bit. We decided to have Lonestar for dinner. There was a BAD storm rolling in when we got there. Well just after they brought us our bread and Paul's salad the power went out. We sat there for 20min waiting in it didn't come back on. So we left. They didn't make us pay, they were not making anyone pay. It wasn't busy in there though. We saw an awsome lightening show on the way home.

Thursday we went with Paul's parents to Higgens lake. Had fun that day too. David does NOT like the sand and water combo. Friday we went to Bob & Rhonda's for a cookout. Matthew LOVED their slide. Saturday we went back out to Paul's parents to watch the Nascar race which was a night race. We stayed the night out there then went down to Uncle Gary's pool on Sunday.

So we had a fun and busy weekend.

Oh did I mention that David is finally walking? YAY! We have to get braces for his feet though. He got his flat feet from my Dad. It's making his ankels weak and his knees. His thearapist thinks this is why he walked so late. I'm not worried I just want him to be ok.

Enough Already

Let me start off by staying I AM TERRIFIED OF STORMS. The severe ones anyways. If I am alone I FREAK but if I am with someone then I can stay calm mostly.

I live in Lansing. My InLaw's Sunfield, my SisterInLaw toward Ionia she's just about a mile east of the expressway that heads to Grand Rapids. Friday I was at work and it started storming here right before I left. I drove home in the worst of it. It wasn't bad in Lansing but the Sunfield area where my IL's live got hit HARD. The corner that they live on is the hardest hit area. They live in a quad level house. She was upstairs and she said something didn't feel right. She went down one level to the front door and looked out. She saw something gray swirl by the front door so she scooped up her sandals and headed to the basement. The neighbors across the street lost most of their trees. One is standing sorta and the other has about half left. The whole intersection M-50 & Sunfield HWY is pretty much a distaster. Luckly their house is ok, some minor damage to the roof.

Saturday Paul had to go into work to work in the evening to power down the systems so some electricians could replace some switches. He got home and we were going to go get dinner and groceries. Well I knew there was a storm coming and I didn't want to try to put twins and groceries in the car during a storm. We headed out anyways. Saw lightening and black sky to the west so we got Subway to go. I ran into Meijer to get milk and bananas. When the storm got here it was straight line winds. Half a tree in our backyard fell on our house. Luckly it did no damage. But there is lots of damage to the west side of the city.

Today (Sunday) Paul had to be to work at 5:00am to power the system back up. After he got home my Dad came up to help us get the tree off the house. I spent half the morning on our roof cutting away at the tree so we could get it off the roof. Then we went for a ride to the IL's (who are still without power) to see the damage. I took pics but they don't look as bad as it really is. We drove from there to my SIL's and drove thru another storm. It really wasn't that bad. We get home and our front yard had branches down all over it. A big one fell and hit our other car but didn't do any damage. I had to get out of the car and move branches out of the driveway so we could even park in the drive.I called my Mom and she said there was tornado warnings here and that the storm was as bad this afternoon as it was last night. I'm glad we missed it.

I'm so tired of this crap. We've had enough. The weather needs to relax now. After the storm last night my poor husband has only had two hours of sleep last night. He's already passed out in bed.

Sickies

So all of us had a visit from the sickie germs again. I started it with a sinus infection crud. Then both boys woke up coughing really bad last Thursday luckly I had called in sick that day. I went to the doctors and got meds. Then I took the boys to the doctors. David has penumonia again. Luckly this time we didn't wind up in the ER. So both boys are on meds. Then Sunday Paul got it really bad and he called in Monday and went to the doctors so all four of us have antibiotics. The boys are doing wonderfully. I still have a slight cough and runny nose but that's it. Paul poor guy thinks he's dying because he's sick. But, at least it's warm out. It did rain today which was awsome. We needed it.

Warm Weather

It's finally warm outside. Today it was hot an muggy. I don't think the boys are adjusting to the head very well. Saturday they were fine but Sunday they woke up kinda feverish and didn't eat all that good. They still acted icky today. Tomorrow it's only supposed to be in the 60's so maybe they act a little better. We probably 'should' have turned on the air for today but I didn't want to waste the electricity. I did finally go get the big fan and turn it on then they seemd to be acting much better.

The weekend had kinda been a bust though. The good part is that it was a three day weekend. Paul had to work overtime on Saturday and I went to my uncle's with my Mom to see my cousin Brandy she was here from up north. Dad didn't go because he was sick and I had started to come down with a cold. Sunday the boys woke up icky but we went to my In-Laws, we had fun but I felt icky and the boys did do. Paul started having problems with his stomach. Then Saturday night my Dad went into the hospital. Then today we just stayed here and played lazy and sick all day. I think I have a sinus infection and I don't want to go to the doctors for it but I know they won't just call me in meds. Paul's stomach was still bothering him today and Matthew was so winey. David acted ok but neither one really ate all that well. I kinda forced chicken noodles into them so their bellies wouldn't be empty.

Well I am off to bed since I have to work in the morning.

Woah

My boys HATE to shop. I am very saddened by this. Kellie and I went to the mall last night. If we tried to go into a store they started screaming. Part of me thinks it's the stroller. I REALLY WANT A SIDE BY SIDE BADLY.

Today Paul and I went to Lowe's. We had $50 left on a gift card so we went and got more stuff for curb appeal. We had gotten four burning bushes before and we put three under the front window. One for some reason had different leaves on it. They were all tagged the same but we went today and got one more like the odd one to put in front of the chimeny. But then the wind picked up really bad so we got out of there. Now we are off for groceries. We had to stop at home and unload the car and feed the boys. They were STARVING.

Sigh

I really wish I could be a stay at home mom. I was so bored at work today and all I could think about was being at home with my kids and Paul. Their best time of day is in the morning and I miss it. Paul doesn't have to be to work until 4:00pm so he get's to see their good time of the day. Plus it was so nice out today that I could have been out working in my yard.

Sigh... I wish we had more money or there was a way for me to make what I make how working at home.

YAY

So David went to see his cardiologist today. He's pretty much all clear. We don't have to go back to her for six months! That's awsome news for me becuase my goal was to get him to the point where he only has to go every six months. She's told us before that he'll more then likely have to see a cardiologist for the rest of his life but while he's a child we can plan on at least every six months. I'm just so excited I can hardly stand it. I even started planning their 2nd birthday party. It's going to be Backyardigans for sure. They LOVE them.

We were going to try to go over to Holland this weekend for the tulip festivle. Neither one of us have been in years. I really wanted to take my camera and get some awsome pictures of my favorite flower but it's supposed to rain and be crappy all day tomorrow and Saturday. I'm really sad about that. I'm not sure what we will do this weekend. The house is pretty much cleaned up and if it's raining we can't work in the yard.

BUSY Weekend

Friday evening my friend Kellie came over. We went to the mall and met Paul on his lunch break. I had a $15 gift card to Barnes & Noble I wanted to spend. I couldn't find anything I really wanted to I got the boys a Backyardigans CD. Which was a good move on my part because they LOVE it. Then when we got home Kellie fell in my house and skinned up her right knee and messed up her left ankle. She wound up going to the ER and it's not broken or sprained just bruised really badly. She had brought our ice cream in the house and put it in the freezer then was hurrying to help me with the boys and she missed the step from the laundry room to the mud room.

Saturday all three boys got hair cuts. David's 1st, Matthew's 2nd, and Daddy got one too. Then we got groceries. The boys and us all took a good nap then we went out to my niece Paige's 3rd birthday party. It was fun. She is/was still a pacifier sucker. Only at bedtime. She was not one of those kids that you see in the store that are to big to have them but do. I HATE seeing kids over the age of one out with a pacifier in their mouth. Luckly my boys never took to them. My sister-in-law and her husband have been talking to Paige about how 3 year olds are to big for them and on her birthday she had to give them to David and Matthew because they are still babies and they need them and big girls don't need them. Well her actual birthday is tomorrow. That's when we were going to do it. But before we left Saturday I asked her if she wanted to give them to us now and she did! I was shocked. We are still going to meet them for dinner tomorrow anyways.

Today there was a Susan G Kohlman race for the cure 5k run/walk downtown today. We walked in that. We didn't take the boys like we had planned to because it was chilly and with David just getting over being sick we didn't want to chance it. It was kinda warm down there though. I think they would have been fine. My face is sun/wind burned though.

Busy Weekend Ahead

Tonight my best friend Kellie (aka Aunt Kellie) came over. We went to the mall and hit up the Barnes and Noble store where I used my gift card to buy the boys a Backyardigan's CD. Then Paul met us for dinner. He works 2nd shift and it was his lunch hour. When we got home Kellie carried some stuff in the house for me and was coming back out to help with the boys and she fell. She missed the step from the laundry room to the mud room. She skinned up her right knee pretty bad and did something to her left ankle. Both are bruised and the ankle was swollen a little. Hopefully she doesn't have to make and ER trip.

Tomorrow (Saturday) the boys get their hair cut. David's 1st, Matthew's 2nd, Daddy is getting his cut too. Should be interesting although Matthew did great for his first we'll see how this goes. Then we have to get groceries and go to our niece's birthday party.

Sunday we walk in the Race for the Cure at the capital. It's supposed to be kinda cold. Partly sunny, rain late high 54. I don't really want to take the boys if it's going to be that cold. We were going to take the wagon but we might take the stroller because they'll be more bundled up. Or leave them with my Mom. I guess i'll have to talk to Paul about that tomorrow.

Finally

A week ago tonight I took David to the ER because he was breathing fast, his heart rate seemed fast, he had a fever and was not acting normal at all. He had pneumonia. They admitted him to the hospital. We were there until Wednesday. Luckly we were in an isolation room so we didn't have to share a room with anyone. That was so nice. We only had to worry about ourselves. By Tuesday David was feeling about 80% normal again and when he woke up Wednesday morning he was back to normal. It was so nice to see my baby feeling better again.

They let us go home on Wednesday. That evening I put the boys swings back out and let them swing. They were MAD when I took them out. Today Paul and I went to the 'walking park' that just opened last fall. It has lots of walking trails. We let them swing again. Boy were the MAD when we took them off the swings... sigh... oh well.

Other then that things around here are ok. We are finally realizing how much money we owe in medical bills and how much money we don't have to pay them. Time to start cutting back on stuff. Paul tried to get a small loan from the bank to consoladate them but they denied him. That shows how bad our credit really is. Hopefully by this time next year we will be sitting much better in that department. Now we just have to find a way to make some extra money without either of us having to get a 2nd job. It's just not possible for either of us to have a 2nd job right now. Not with me working 1st and Paul 2nd shift.

On a good note... The weather is finally much nice out!!!

Hey there

I've decided to start a blog to keep everyone updated on our family. Some people have subscribed to the care page but now that David is in the clear we may be closing that down. I want extended family and friend to be able to keep up to date on what the boys are doing so I've decided to start here. You should bookmark this link and/or add it to your favorites so you don't loose it. I can't guarantee I will update a lot but I will try to get the important stuff here.

Please leave comments because I LOVE to hear how everyone else is doing and I will also know who's viewing.

Love ya,
Sarah, Paul, David & Matthew