Ugh...

I’m sitting at work today with my anxiety bothering me BAD. I just want to go home, take a xanax and crawl into bed and not wake up. Take me out of this nightmare.


Let me start by saying I DID NOTHING WRONG (at first).

My nephew Andrew, my buddy since his birth. My sister took him away from us when my boys were born and moved to Kentucky. Followed her ex husband down there because she thought they could work things out. Didn’t work out that way. This last winter the said ex and his new wife who is from Michigan also, moved back. My sister stayed in Kentucky.

Well this summer my nephew is here in Lansing staying with his Dad and step mom for the summer. I sent his step mom a message on facebook asking her if I could spend some time with Andrew. I have not seen him since February when my Grandpa died. I MISS HIM. I sent a nice message, said nothing wrong but apparently the bitch took it the wrong way. She called my sister who in turn called me and bitched me out on my voice mail… twice. I didn’t answer because I knew what happened. I DID NOTHING WRONG.

I was at my parents when the voice mails came in. She called my Mom and drug my parents into it AGAIN. I’m tired of her dragging them into everything and I’m tired of them letting her do that to them.

Anyways… on my way home Friday I was getting more and more pissed. Especially at the step mom because I hadn’t done nothing wrong. So I got home, then I did the wrong thing. But now I don’t care. I sent the step mom the nastiest message (private message) on facebook I could. I was PISSED. I told her I was pissed she started a fight between my sister and I again. That she lied about the weekend before (I had asked for Andrew the weekend before to take him to a ball game. They told Heidi no because they were going up north but instead went to someone’s house over by Detroit where the said Dad got so drunk he couldn’t even drive his family home the next morning… how classy. I told her how I am so tired of them using Andrew as a pawn against each other and one day he’s going to grow up and realize what ass holes his parents are. So yea, I shouldn’t have did it but I did. You can only take so much you know.

So I posted on my wall on my facebook… something like “Andrew buddy, I love you. Your mom probably hates me know but someday when you turn 18 I will find you and get to spend some time with you”.

Oh the nasty comment I got from my sister. I had to wind up blocking her and said step mom from my facebook. I got nasty text from step mom and my sister and had to go into Verizon’s website and block them from contacting me.

My sister told me to (excuse my French) “I am done with you bitch Fuck Off and you will never see MY son again.”

So again, I don’t have a sister. Someday when Andrew turns 18 I WILL find him.

I am stressed out about the situation, not because of the loss of my sister, I don’t care about that bitch. And don’t tell me about how someday she will be all I have because I DON’T CARE. I have never cared for my sister, I have just tolerated her for my parents sake. She has always been a red headed bitch… ALWAYS. Even as kids I didn’t like her but I had no choice then. I do now. She’s always negative and rarely says anything positive to me. I’m tired of dealing with is, hearing it and most of all putting up with it. This is the third time she’s done this shit to me.

So I am done. I will not apologize to her, I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t need her in my life, I don’t need the negativity in my life. I tried to tolerate her after the last two and I just cannot do it anymore.

I don’t feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for Andrew and for my parents who have two kids that cannot get along. I’m sorry for them that they keep letting her drag them into this shit. I’m a little upset that they keep letting her to this to them. They stress over it but they bring it on themselves by letting her drag them in. She’s always been like this and she always will. She has such mental issues and she needs help.

Christmas should be fun…. NOT

Andrew

Well I guess I give up trying to spend some time with my nephew. Andrew buddy. I love you with all my heart. I'm sorry your Dad and Leslie are assholes. Your Mom probably hates me now but all I was trying to do was spend some time with you. I miss you so much I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm sorry for the mess you are in. Hopefully when you turn 18 I will find you and be able to spend some time with you

As I Cry

So I was reading one of my favorite blogs (Click this link to read her blog)  today and she posted pictures from fathers day. Yes a little late but so what. Her middle child is battling cancer. Such a sweet little angle face. Why does God do this to people? Anyways… Fathers day was the day her daughter went in for her next round of chemo, she talked about how they spent it with the family, both set’s of parents were there, how they tried to keep it upbeat and be positive and how she cried all day long. But the thing she said that really got me was this…

“During this time of Lucy's illness I have been keenly aware of the emotions that my parents and Erik's parents live with everyday. Not only are they grieving the illness of their granddaughter but they are also having to watch helplessly as their own daughter and son suffer and experience indescribable heartache. This whole experience has solidified my belief that you will never, ever grow too old to want to take care of your children.”

How true is that?

When I was in the hospital and gave birth to my twins I worried about Me and my babies. David having heart surgery at five days old and again a few months later. I worried about US. I never once thought about what my parent’s or Paul’s parents were feeling. This really makes me sad now and I cried as I read what Kate had posted.

Now yes, I do know that at the time it was my job to worry about me and my babies but now that things are calmed down and David is a normal (well… how normal can he be, he takes after me) healthy almost five year old I should really thank our parents for everything they have done for us.

Paul and I are so lucky to have the parents we have. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

My Invention and Cancer

So I had an idea which turned into an invention that worked!  We have the boys in the big bedroom because they just need more room.  Well that room has the big closet but where their bunk beds are covers half the closet.  I had their clothes hanging in the back part but it was/is such a pain in the ass to get around the bed.  So... the cubby area to the right of the closet I got a shower rod and put it across there.  Securing the pole with a couple small nails under it so it doesn't slide down the wall.  It has grips but our walls are semi gloss and slippery.  Here is a picture.

Now I can have my closet back!  I'm going to organize that and put the stuff we don't wear much and seasonal stuff back behind the bed area and just rotate as needed.  I'm quite excited about my little 'invention'.  Now the boys can actually wear the other half of their clothes.

Ok, now onto the bad news....

A cousin of mine pass away today.  She started out with breast cancer then it just went all through her body.  My Aunt found her this afternoon.  She had been gone a while at that point because she was already cold.  I wasn't close to this cousin because we just never did stuff with my Dad's side of the family like we did my Mom's, and she's a bit older then me but still.

I just recently lost another cousin on that side to.  This one lived in Florida and I had never ever met her, she was quite a bit older then me, I think she was old enough to be my Mom, but I had chatted with her quite a bit and really liked her.

Well that's it for now.  Just wanted to share that much.  It sound like WWIII out side tonight.

Camping

The boys made it out alive from their first camping trip.  We didn't go far, just to Sleep Hallow but we had fun.  They liked sleeping in the tent in their Lightening MacQueen sleeping bags.  I barely got my camera out.  Don't really know why but just didn't.  I did get a couple with my camera but it was quite dark and they little shits wouldn't hold still to save their lifes.

 1st we have Paul he's not happy with me.  He was a bit of a grouch that weekend.  But to my right is the fire pit, my left is the tend.  On the left of this pic you can see I caught Matthew mid air running.

 This one is David on the left, Matthew on the right with flash, this is how dark it was when I took this pic.

This one was taken no flash, looks brighter outside but it wasn't really this light.  David's blurry because he could not stand still.   But you can see our tent and stuff behind them.

They had fun.  To much fun.  They cannot wait to camp again.  We only stayed two nights Saturday and Sunday night.  By the time we got up Sunday Matthew was ready to go home to his 'big house'.  I put them to bed last night and I swear it took them maybe 30 seconds to fall asleep.

Next trip is Ionia State Park.  We tried to change it to Waterloo but they wanted to change us another $24 in fees to transfer our reservation.  How freakin stupid.