Ugh, My anxiety is bothering me today. The doctor up my meds from 10mg to 20mg. I took the first 20 this morning. My anxiety is focused on being sick. If someone is sick around me, I feel sick, or I hear someone is. I’m not talking a cold sick I’m talking the barfing sick. I cannot handle it. I am surprised I am not a germ-a-phobia. A co-worker was out yesterday sick because she had been up the night before barfing. She’s here today and I am scared shitless to walk by her. I sat at my desk all day trying not to go into a full fledge panic attack over it. This crap sucks.
Matthew was barfy a week ago, only barfed once but I had full out panic attacks. I cannot handle puke. I am constantly afraid they are going to wake in the night and barf all over. Why? It’s stupid, it happens. What do I do if it does? Deal with it and move on. I’ve done it before so why the hell am I panicky about it now?
Doctor told me not many people are ever on the lowest does of the Lexapro that I am on and he’s actually surprised I stayed on the low does this long. So… hopefully this dosage up will help.
Why do I think it bothers me???
1. I do think I need to up my mgs.
2. I don’t do barf… period.
3. Christmas is this weekend and I don’t want anyone sick.
4. I don’t want anyone sick… period.
5. David’s surgery is a week from today and he cannot be sick, thus we cannot be sick so he doesn’t get it and if I am sick and can’t be there for my baby’s surgery I think I’ll die.
6. David can’t get sick after… he needs to recover.
7. I don’t have ANY time left at work so if I get sick, then I don’t get paid for that day and I don’t get my time back until March.
This sucks… December sucks. I’ve never felt good and always been panicky in December. A week and a half from now the difficult stuff will be over and I’ll probably, hopefully calm my ass down.
Oh and currently, both Paul and I have the scratchy throat and are popping pills like crazy trying NOT to get a cold. That’s a no no for surgery too. Plus David is starting to show true signs of needing surgery. His appetite is down and he’s getting tired much easier and quicker.
ARGH
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