New Years Resolutions

I’ve finally decided on my New Year’s resolutions. I decided these a week ago so they really were in time for the New Year. I really honestly never make New Year resolutions because I never stick to them. But the first five below are ‘real’ and the last two are my ‘fun’ ones.


1. Loose weight. Who doesn’t make this resolution? I’m on my way to failing this one right now. As I am scarfing down this little chocolate Santa thing. I do fully intend to not eat out so much, bring my own lunch to work and try to eat healthier things. We’ll see how this goes. I figure the only way I am going to loose weight is by a miracle or I starve myself.

2. Save more. Money that is… First one I said above… eat out less. But I don’t cook, the hubster does and he’s not good at broadening his horizons and trying something new, so we eat the same shit week after week. Gets mighty boring. I’ve also decided to keep track of how much we spend on groceries and such. I’m not a crazy couponer but I’m going to try to adapt some of their habits. I’ve downloaded a spread sheet where I put in my grocery bill, tax and what I saved in coupons and in store and it tally’s it all. I am going to try to use more coupons, but I’m not going to stack up on 40 bottles of Windex when I don’t need it. Even if I can get it for a buck each. I don’t need that many bottles. I don’t want to turn into a hoarder, My house is cluttered enough with two five year olds.

3. ORGANIZE. I read an article on how to organize and simplify your house. It had a six week chart. We are going to do it but probably not do it hard core until spring. To many things going on right now to try to do it. I vow to throw more crap away.

4. Be a better Mom. So far I am failing this one also. This entails me not forgetting to do their homework, and getting off my damn lap top more. I’m on that thing all the time it needs a break and my kids need me.

5. Find a new, happier, more fulfilling job. In this economy I don’t see that happening. I’m tired of the high school drama at work. I’m tired of getting in trouble because I had to take a crap. I have IBS, acid reflux, and anxiety issues. Off of which mess with me stomach. Sometimes it takes me more than 30 seconds to poop. Why must my co-workers tattle on me? Oh and the back stabbing that goes on too… seriously? We are adults… she is so sweet and nice to your face then talks shit about you when you are not around. I’m done with it. And that’s only the start.

6. My first fun one would be to bring the dead back to life, if even for a day. I’d love to bring my Granny back just for a day so she can see my boys. I’m sure she’s the reason I had twins to begin with.

7. My second fun one is me wanting to learn to pee standing up, like my husband. I’m tired of having to get half naked to pee. Why can’t I just go in a whip it out and pee, tuck and go? It would make my life easier and save me lots of time.

I Can Dream

One of my other blogger sorta did this... 

I'm dreaming of a better life for me and my family.  It would start with  me getting a better job, a more happier place to be, where I don't have to deal with the constant crap that some of my coworkers put me through.

Then it would be a new bigger house... I found a few 'dream' house pictures.  Not 100% my dream but pretty darn close.

First... the KITCHEN.  I want wood color, not white.  I hate white cabinets.  Brushed stainless steal appliances for sure.

Then the living room, bright open and airy.  Maybe not so white but you get the idea.

Then the master bedroom but with different bedding.  I like the bedrooms to be a bit darker, bedrooms are for sleeping. 

David's room with different bedding... Dinosaurs!

Matthew's room and bedding.

A girl can dream right?

New Year!

I've updated my background.  I was getting frustrated that part of my 'title' wasn't showing because the text was white and I couldn't figure out how to change the text color so I went with a colored background.  I was going to do something pink but since I live in a blue world I used blue.

New year brings new.... stuff.

I attended visitation for my Mom's cousin that passed away tonight.  She had cancer.  Cancer sucks.  I was told by a few people that they read my blog (HI AMY AND LISA!!!  I'm so sorry for your loss) but it makes me happy that people actually read my blog and keep up on us.

All in all I keep this blog to keep family updated on the going on of us and David's heart, but mostly I've decided to keep if for me and the boys.  I didn't know before but thanks to one of the blogs I read... Kate.  I found out there is a website that you can have your blog printed in a book.  That some people actually have their blog printed every year and keep it like a scrapbook.  I think that is an awesome idea!  I'm not going to print 2011.  I didn't post much and just got started actively posting.  I may start with 2012 and include the last couple months of 2011.

But... that's my ramble for the night.

Good night all... and Hug to the family that is grieving tonight.  May you find peace in your heart to help you through such a rough time.

Goodbye 2011

2011 Recap.

1st in February my Grandpa passed away.  My last grandparent.  He was ready to go be with Grandma.  He missed her more then any of us.

Then we enjoyed easter and the warming of the seasons.  Winter does not suit us very well.

Then there is always fishing on Daddy's boat.  Not the most thrilling thing for almost five year old to do.

Then you pick a hot day in the summer to hit the museums.

And camping!

And we put the boys in T-Ball they had fun!

And look who made it to 5 years old!!!  Didn't think that would happen...lol

 Matthew in his Kindergarten class room!

 David in his Kindergarten class room!  Putting him in Kindy instead of leaving him in the pre-school was the best decision we could have made.

First Day of School!!!

Then we welcomed a new family member into our home.  A 14lb cat we named Butters!

 

Then in October we found out David needed heart surgery again :(

There has been two surgery dates, both that have been canceled.  New surgery date for January.

Thoughts

It sometimes takes bad things in your life to make you realize all the good things you have going for you. I have family that I cannot see that I miss terribly, but I don’t have to deal with the stress. I have family that has passed away that I would give almost anything to have back, but they are no longer suffering. We have more bills then money but we have a two wonderful boys and a warm house to live in. Our house is way too small for us, but at least we have a warm place to live. David surgery has gotten canceled twice now, but at least we get those weeks to spend with him when he’s not in pain, and he’s happy.
The reality of this surgery hit’s you, there is a possibility he won’t make it. During surgery he’s put on a ‘heart lung bypass machine’. He’s basically dead during that time. I ‘think’ it basically keeps his organs going so they can stop his heart to work on it. This really freaks me out. I try not to think about it, I just pray my baby wakes up, normal. Normal as he was before surgery, no brain damage, nothing just the same kid but with a fixed heart.

As a mother of a special needs child you try not to think of the bad things, it’s not easy. We’ve had the discussion “What do we do with him if he doesn’t make it?” Not a fun subject to talk about but something you should talk about even briefly if you have a child that is facing a life threatening situation. It took us five maybe ten minutes to come up with an idea. That way if it does happen we are on the same page when we can’t even think straight.

Me, with my anxiety disorder, night time is the worst. I lay in bed in a quiet house and I can NOT shut my brain off no matter how hard I try. EVERYTHING runs through my mind and I try my hardest to keep a panic attack from taking over and making me really freak out. I tend to find comfort in my cat. If I have him snuggling with me, it calms me to stroke his soft silky fur. He’s a good cat and is usually not far from my side. Paul is a good source of comfort for me too, he doesn’t really understand my thoughts and feelings but he try’s his best. I think my anxiety frustrates him because he doesn’t know how to make it better for me. He also thinks I should just ‘get over it’ but he doesn’t understand, it’s not that easy.

But like this morning… I had a rough night. I didn’t sleep good. I’m battling this minor illness, trying not to get a cold. I get up and get ready for work. I have to wake the boys so they can go to work with me, where Paul will meet me to take the boys back home since they are still on winter break. They were both sleeping so sweetly. I HATED the fact that I had to wake them. They were so cute and snuggly in bed that I hunted down my camera and took a picture of them sleeping. I had to cover them with kisses, they deserve the kisses, they deserve a happy Mommy and dammit that’s what they are going to get.

I know how to keep my anxiety hidden (most of the time, sometimes it breaks through but not to often). David is going to have surgery, hopefully they won’t cancel it again. I need to be strong for David and strong for Matthew. He’s old enough now to know that something is going on, something bad and he’s going to need my support.

Mommy’s got support from Daddy, Grandma Barb and Grandpa Ray, Grandma Anne and Grandpa Denny will all be there. We will all support each other, and have Matthew to keep us entertained why we wait for news on our David.