Difficult

You think parenting is hard… try raising twin boys.

You think parenting is hard… try raising a boy with a CHD who has had FOUR open heart surgeries.

You think parenting is hard… try raising this same child with developmental delays.

You think parenting is hard… try telling this same child he has to repeat 1st grade while his twin get’s to go onto 2nd.

You think parenting is hard… try raising this same child with ADD. You don’t like medicating him because he FIGHTS TOOTH AND NAIL to NOT take it, because it’s not good for his heart and because it takes away his appetite, he’s small and skinny as it is and needs to add fat to his body. NOT eating isn’t a good option. But you HAVE to medicate him or he can’t pay attention in school and learn. So you don’t give this child his ‘listening meds’ on the weekend because it’s not worth the fight and you want him to eat. But then he’s so out of control, can’t focus, can’t listen that you can’t stand being around him most of the day.

It’s not his fault, he cannot help it. He has no control over it. It’s so frustrating!

How do we handle David? It sure the hell isn’t easy. We have to tell David to do something five or six times to do something, then maybe he’ll do it. He’s usually willing to do it, willing to help, likes to help out but getting his attention to do it, and keeping his attention while he’s doing it is a huge struggle. I HATE being mad at him. I HATE Paul being mad at him. I have way more patience then Paul does. He gets mad at him way faster than I do but when I’ve lost my patience it’s not pretty. I feel so bad for David because most of the time he has no clue what he’s done wrong. I feel bad for Paul, he gets mad so quickly, then I get mad at him for being mad at David, then Paul’s mad at me. It’s a vicious ugly cycle that I want to stop…

But I don’t know how.

I love my husband… I love my children… both of them.

Matthew isn’t perfect either. He has is issues but he’s a child… a boy… at times… most of the time a Paul Jr. Matthew get’s goofy which is normal for a boy but then get’s David going and because David can’t control himself… it’ get’s out of hand QUICKLY. Then we are mad at Matthew. I feel bad for Matthew because he can’t be a normal boy because David’s not normal.

I’m Mom… it’s not in my nature to be the ‘bad guy’ so Paul tends to be the bad guy most of the time. I hate that the boys think he’s the bad guy, he’s not really. Paul can be a lot of fun… gross… but fun! I’ve tried being the ‘bad guy’ a little more. I’ve even said to the boys “See Daddy isn’t the only bad guy now is he?”

What do we do?

I do love that David is a fighter… he’s made it through four open heart surgeries, struggling with ADD and developmental delays and he’s still so happy go lucky weather he is in his own world or in ours.

We are struggling with him. I finally realize how bad we are struggling. I don’t know where to go to get help. Can we afford help?

Is this a cry for help? I guess so.

Raising David is difficult… very difficult but I love him all the same and wouldn’t trade him for anything.