I'm Not Ready For This

I haven't been happy lately, my anxiety is getting to me and I'm starting to feel depressed lately too.  I'm not the happiest with my job or my family right now for various reason.  It's all stuff I'll get over but normally I get over stuff way faster then this.  It just hurts more this time. :(

I'm not ready for fall and winter... I absolutely HATE this time of year.  My SAD is already starting to act up (seasonal affective disorder) which is acting up early this year.  I'm sure that's part of my problem but I haven't had any good news lately to make me happy.

First... medical bills... collections calling my parents for money we owe them, seriously??? They call my parents??? I have no idea how the hell they got their phone number.  I will be calling them tomorrow and bitching them out for that.  Bills in general... we can never get ahead.  It would be nice to run into a bunch of money right now and pay some things off.

Second... I hate this house, it's to small and it sucks.  I hate living here, I hate it more and more each day.  We have the oportunity to rent my in-law's house which would be awesome but we'd have to get rid of this house.  If anyone knows the market... yeah... that's not going to happen.  We are stuck.

Third... We just got a cat.  Which I've been wanting for a long time.  He's a great cat.  He's only been with us for three days and he's already fit in but... I'm already 2nd guessing the decision to get him and may take him back.  Why?  Because Paul complains about the cat hair so much, that's all he's done since we got him.  The cost of buying food and litter when money is already tight, the adoption fee (which will get refunded if I take him back because he's not working out), and the fact that even though he's a great cat, loves to be petted and scratched he's been hiding under the bed most of the time and not out being a part of the family.  It's upsetting me so much it's causing me panic attacks just thinking about it.  I don't want to take him back but I am now thinking it'll be better for him.

Fourth... and the worst... David has to have another heart surgery.  To what extent we don't know yet.  He had a heart cath on October 5th we will know more details after that.

So yea, my life has been nothing but depressing lately.  I'm going to have a talk with the doctor about it tomorrow.  I'm already on meds for my anxiety.  I hate feeling like this.