The Day I Became a Heart Mother

I must post this again. I origionally posted it on 10/25/2008. I read it again and cried. It's so true. If you gave birth to a healthy baby you will never understand the feeling. Wathcing your newborn hooked up to more wires then you can imagine, just leaves you in tears, speechless. I had both at one time. One healthy baby Matthew... and one sick baby David. We were given the option to terminate him... I cannot imagine what it would be like without him here. My baby had not one but TWO open heart surgeries before he was a year old. Heart surgery is for old people, not brand new five day and 10 month old infants. His future is bright but still not certian. Anything can go wrong at any second.
For those of you that had healthy babies... count your blessings. You are 'lucky' you didnt' have to go through it.... you don't have to think every day that your childs heart isn't healthy, what if something goes wrong today? What if he get's sick? You dont' have to deal with the side effects heart surgery causes. He's so much weeker then his brother, will he ever catch up and be normal? Why me? Why us? Why HIM?

He's made us stronger, he's brought us such joy. He amazes me so much. I am thankful God gave him to us. I am thankful he has tested our strength as parents. I am thankful we have Matthew, happy and healthy, we don't have to worry about him.

I cannot imagine my life any other way.


The Day I Became a Heart Mother


One day my world came crashing down, I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick.
I thought, "am I to blame"?
I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.


It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved him for so long.
I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my child any chance.
No matter what the price.


I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!


Will he need a lot of therapy?
Will he gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
I will accept our fate.


When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings, I run to my child's bed.
I watch him sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss his head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?

Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.
And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!


From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.
From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.
With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.


For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.


Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for him (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day.......
When I became a "Heart Mother".



- Author Unknown